Dear Professor Brad,
My
name is Chester, currently studying mechanical engineering at Singapore
Institute of Technology as a year 1 student. I graduated from Temasek
Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics in 2017. Apart from studies, I have
a interest in doing community service. I have been doing volunteering such as
Red Cross, visiting old folks’ homes and doing spring cleaning for elderly
homes. Having the ability to help needy people and seeing them smile warms my
heart. Which is when I was doing research on robotics during my poly days and seeing
robots assist impaired people and support them everyday sparks my
interest in engineering.
My
weakness is speaking to a large group of people which I had experienced during
my National Service days. I was not very confident while conducting lesson for
over 300 people in an auditorium. I would say that I am confident speaking with
a smaller group as I am able to focus better without facing a huge number of
eyes staring at me.
The
goals that I wish to achieve from this module are being an engaging presenter
and improving my presentation structure. I hope to be more charismatic and also
having a sense of humor to make the audience feel engaged and more energetic.
Structuring a presentation allows the audience to understand the message I want
to get across and it adds clarity to my argument using diagrams that support my
main ideas.
I
believe that with the correct communication skills set can help me in the
future in the workplace.
Best
regards,
Chester
Lim
Dear Chester,
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for being the first in Group 1 to post your letter. It's informative as you share about your very fine community service, your heavy NS responsibility and your comm skills experience. I would like to know if you see your service as a comm skill strength.
There are also a few minor issues in terms of language use:
1. Phrasing
-- back in 2017 > in 2017
-- a interest > an interest
-- My goals that I wish to take away from this module > ? (Do you wish to take away goals?)
2. lack of parallel structure
-- to introduce myself and allowing you to know me better. > ?
-- Seeing robots assisted impaired people and support them > (verb form) Seeing robots assist impaired people and support them
3. punctutaion
-- speaking to a large group of people which I experienced during my National Service days. > ?
-- Although my English language is not proficient as compared to my peers but even so, > ?
4. verb tense
-- Although my English language is not proficient as compared to my peers ... I managed to stay calm > ?
-- as I do not wish to look unprofessional > ?
5. sentence structure
-- With a good presentation structure will allow a smooth flow > (with?)
I appreciate your effort and look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteI have made some amendments to the letter for issues you have pointed out as well as from my friends. Thank you.
Best regards,
Chester Lim
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Chester,
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading through the letter, I felt inspired by the content as your acts of kindness and selflessness towards the community have surely impacted many lives in more than one way. The letter also has a smooth transition from topic to topic and overall very enjoyable. However, in my opinion, there were a few pointers that I would like to highlight to you in terms of language.
1) There were a few issues with preposition, for example:
-- “at the Singapore Institute of Technology” rather than “in Singapore Institute of Technology” in the first paragraph.
-- Also missing “the” in “help me in the future in workplace” which makes it “help me in the future in the workplace”.
-- In the last paragraph, perhaps you could remove the “with” in “I believe that with the correct communication skills set”
2) Agreeing with the beginning sound of “interest”, which is a vowel, therefore it should be “an interest” instead of “a interest”.
3) “My goals” can be replaced by “The goals” for this context in the third paragraph.
4) You could use “diagrams that support my ideas” instead of “diagrams which support my ideas”.
Other than that, it looks great to me and thank you for such an insightful letter as I got to know you better through it.
Best regards,
Chan Cheng Boon
Dear Cheng Boon,
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank you for spending the effort reading my letter. I am glad you enjoyed reading it and I appreciate the pointers you gave and I will look into this thoroughly to improve it. Thank you.
Best regards,
Chester Lim